Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Randomize