i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
