I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
