You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
