Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
