Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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