Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
