The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
