I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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