I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
