I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
