An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
