her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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