you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
This girl is more easily done than said...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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