yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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