My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
its liver damage thursday
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
