Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
