My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
