well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I currently don't understand fingers.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize