she was so not down for the gang bang
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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