white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
