Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize