Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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