even my farts smell like vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
