he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
