my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
