am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
