I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize