so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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