jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
