im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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