They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When are your genitals available?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
