i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
