I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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