I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Randomize
