You're my little dorito
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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