Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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