forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
