Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
