There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
