Is it because I queefed?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
