I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
