you win again, gameday.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
