Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize