he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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