i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
