when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
