You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
