Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
