FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
