Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
God, I missed his penis.
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