No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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