YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
