you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
