i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize