hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
