I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
