I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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