WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
