i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
