I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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