i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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