Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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