I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
