I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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