I look better un-naked...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
