Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
