it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
