Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
