You made me cry and you don't even care
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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